The night I prayed St. Teresa's prayer

The other night, while beset again with anxiety and insecurity, I prayed the prayer of St. Teresa of Avila. Here it goes:

"Let nothing disturb you.
Let nothing frighten you.
All things pass.
God does not change.
Patience achieves everything.
Whoever has God lacks nothing.
God alone suffices."

I must admit I've forgotten all about this prayer until December 6 when I watched Teresa: 500 Years of Grace, a production staged in my alma mater, St. Theresa's College Quezon City, in celebration of St. Teresa's 500th birth anniversary. Watching the production not only brought back high school memories but also made me reflect on the words of St. Teresa.

I've been in this mental and emotional dip for several weeks already. It's taking a toll on my sleep, my concentration, and my daily life. I find myself carrying something heavy in my mind and heart almost all the time. I don't know what to do anymore because I've already tried everything. I just can't get out of this rut that I am in.

And so the other night, while my roommates were sleeping tight, I prayed the prayer of St. Teresa of Avila. I uttered the words softly while crying out of helplessness and desperation. I prayed for myself and for a friend who has similar troubles. I prayed softly and repeatedly until my eyes closed and I fell asleep.

I cannot say that I already felt better when I woke up the next day, because I didn't. Until now, I'm still down. But that night, when I was crying and I couldn't sleep, St. Teresa's prayer calmed me down. It's as if the first two lines are written precisely to calm me down.

Maybe the prayer is also a reminder for me to lift everything to God. I may try everything humanly possible to get rid of my insecurities and fears, but it is with God's help and grace that I will be healed. Maybe not today, but eventually.